I just finished reading in the Book of Mormon, Alma chapter 15. This chapter has helped me at understand how to deal with issues that I am going through at this time in my life. I have been given the honor to learn to handle and deal with the chronic health problem of Crohn's disease. It's a digestive disease, that could affect the digestive system anywhere from the mouth ALL the way down. With the changing of the seasons, this generally is when my Crohn's begins to act up as well. One of the things that has been difficult with this chronic condition is taking care of myself. I believe that everyone else should take care of themselves, but for some reason I shouldn't. I have learned (and continue to learn on a regular basis) the importance of taking care of oneself, or else it will take longer to heal when you are forced to take care of yourself. I learned this quite well when I needed to return home from my mission early due to not taking care of myself. But this week has been hard, as I have been placing horrible GUILT on myself for going home from work, and disappointing the patients whom I work with, as they look forward to me working with them. The guilt was becoming so bad when I was really not feeling well, that at one point I felt like I was disappointing the entire hospital due to my meager health problems that I weak and a failure for pushing through the pain.
I eventually began to listen to my body, and realized that it was not going to get better on it's own, unless I take care of it, and get some extra rest. Alma chapter 15, for me is an answer to questions I have been asking in my prayers. I appreciate how Alma talks about all the struggles and successes that him and Amulek had in their service. Then in Alma 15:18 it reads
"...Alma having seen all these things, therefore he took Amulek and came over to the land of Zarahemla, and took him to his own house, and did administer unto him in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord."
This scripture teaches me that it is not a sign of weakness to take care of yourself, but actually a strength. It is something that an amazing prophet saw was necessary to do. I can see that I need to grant myself "permission" more to take care of myself and not to allow the evil guilt talk take that necessity away.
Oh, the picture posted is of my parent's Christmas tree. This is a part of "home" for me. I love the uniqueness of the tree with the different ornaments and bizarre gingerbread cookies all over:)
8 comments:
Oh Kathryn, no one really knows of all your struggles with this wicked disease, as you don't ever talk of it. Somehow the smile on your face hides your pain and discomfort, so we think "all is well with Kathryn." NOT!
In our culture, food seems to be in abudnace in everything we do. It's difficult to participate with others in this setting, but you do your best. So many times there is just nothing for you to eat, yet you still join in. I hope you realize you have nothing to feel guilty about. If anything, it's WE who should be feeling guilty for not having the right food on hand at dinners or parties.
See what a positive influence you are at work? Your patients LOVE you! How many other therapists or doctors can say that? You are doing the best you can, so take Alma 15 to heart.
Do you have any idea how many people look up to you with all the adversity you've had in your life, and you rarely complain?
I can't wait for you to come home and help decorate our tree. You know, some of its uniqueness /craziness is the way YOU decorate it. I love it!
Kathryn, Mom is right, you seem to carry your burdens with ease. I know it really doesn't compare to what you're going through, but I have often felt guilty during my pregnancy for having to rest more, sometimes I still do, but I think I'm getting better about it. Thank you for sharing this scripture and thought. -J
Jess, I'm glad to read that I am not the only one who struggles with taking an extra nap, or two, when I'm having a hard day. I don't know why it can be difficult at times. I know when I don't take a rest, I end up doing work horribly, and it would've been better to have just gone home. One day I'll figure it out.
Mom- I can't wait to help out with the tree in a few months. We'll have so much fun decorating cookies. We need to start thinking of a theme. I know for my own personal tree I will be doing a "summer" theme:)
For those of you who don't know it, Kathryn has a 7 foot palm tree with lights on the fronds and trunk. She's planning on hanging ornaments on the palm fronds. NO one will have a summer Christmas tree like Kathryn!
Kathryn- this is one thing that I had to learn after my fall. If you don't take care of yourself, you cannot take care of others. I have struggled with that ever since. John and I comment what a positive person you are all the time and that it helps to remind us to do that ourselves- even when we don't want to. We are the ones who choose if we are happy.
I heard a talk and in it she said that a stake president in stake conference asked the congregation how many were happy. About half raised their hands. He then said, "Congratulations, you are going to the celestial kingdom. The rest of you are not." His talk was on how we need to learn how to be happy in this life. It is not always easy, but even in our darkest hour if we can hold that hope and remember the smile we will be happy.
Thanks for being a great sister!
Kathryn,
You are AMAZING!! We love you and look up to you. You are a very inspiring person. Thank you for your example
Love,
Tom and Bethany
Kathryn, you may find this a bit odd, but because I keep in contact with Jen, and read her blog, I tend to follow the links and check out all your family's blogs! I recently realized that you were the ONLY one with out one! So, I'm happy you decided to follow the rest of the crew!
Anyway, thank you so much for posting this post. I really appreciated the insight you gave, and it gave me some things to think about. I'm sorry you have to deal with Crohn's, but I'm happy you have accepted this trial and you seem to be learning from it. It's so hard to learn from our trials, especially the physical ones.
Anyway, do you mind if I pass the link to your blog to Deanna?
Maren (Brown) Milam
Maren - It's good to hear from you! I hope that all is going well with you. Yes, you are more than welcomed to give Deanna this blog link. I was thinking on how it has been years since I have last seen her. I hope that all is going well with her.
Ok, I just hope everyone knows that this post's purpose was not about my Crohn's disease, that will be another post at another time, (don't miss that) but about how important it is for us to allow ourselves to take care of ourselves, so that we can then take care of others.
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