Oh the Tragedy - It snowed today

Or it rained / snowed today. I think they call that sleet here.

One thing that I have learned a lot through my profession is the importance of having appropriate coping skills. Here is a picture of my brother, Steven, and I on the day we both graduated from college. Now I may "appear" to be looking happy, but deep down, I am scared about moving up to Utah, and beginning new and scary changes in my life. Did I apply positive coping skills at this time in my life? Not really, but then I didn't have a clue what coping skills were.

Coping skills are ways that you have developed to deal with stress. The majority of the people I work with do not have positive coping skills. They try to avoid the issues through dissociation of their body, so they don't have to feel those hard, horrible, uncomfortable feelings. They will bury their feelings through excess alcohol, abuse substances, food, sleep, work or exercise. Lately I have been thinking about what exactly I do for my coping skills. I have realized that a lot of them are not as healthy as they could be. So I am trying to change that, to help me deal better with stress and trials in my life. I have been trying to implement more deep breathing exercises, song writing, journaling, adequate exercise, and developing hobbies I like (that's the key I'm finding). I found online a website that has some great ideas of different coping skills. I am going to try more of these as well to see if they help out. I like the idea of getting a dog:)
(In case you don't read the coping skills list below, here is another coping skill I am trying to implement (see number 9 in the list). Spending more time with positive people in my life. Like going out to lunch with my grandma. I appear and really am "happy" in this picture.)

1. Deep Breathing

Often, when faced with a stressful situation, our breathing changes. Sometimes we stop breathing altogether, actually holding our breath just trying to get through it. In reality, this makes it harder. Things can become more physically painful and additional adrenaline can be released, causing stress levels to rise.

Taking slow deep breaths helps you remain in control and get through the stress more efficiently. Try deep breathing with another skill listed below and see how well you cope.

2. Positive Self-Talk

So often, if we really listen, we can hear the negative things we are telling ourselves: “she doesn't’ like me”, “I’'m going to screw this up”, “he'’s funnier than I am”. It can become so that everything you hear is negative. If all you hear is negative, coping can become extremely difficult.

Using positive self-talk, you can start to hear words of encouragement and support. You will be surprised at how different that feels. Try this with deep breathing and see how much better you feel.

3. Physical Activity

It does not have to be much, even just a brisk walk for 15 to 20 minutes can help lessen stress reaction and promote a general sense of well-being.

Physical activity causes endorphins to be released, which are the body’s feel-good hormones. Regular exercise can also improve your body’s ability to handle stress in general.

Try walking around a new area while listening to your favorite music. It can physically take you away from the stress, and perhaps give you a new perspective in the end.

4. Writing/Journaling

Writing can be an effective means of working through stress. Writing can provide a means of expressing troubling thoughts, as well as gaining a better understanding of what is bothering you.

Keeping stressful thoughts to one's self can cause them to grow, as well as creating a new stress from holding on to these upsetting feelings.

Try letting the words just come – do not focus on coherency, spelling, or neatness, instead just try throwing them onto the paper. Write until you feel done.

5. Art

Creative endeavors are a known means of self-expression. Some do not like writing, and sometimes words cannot seem to effectively express your feelings. Try abstraction or conceptualization instead.

Grab a piece of paper and some markers, paints, or crayons. Fill the page with color. It does not matter what it looks like. Just do what seems to come next.

Grab some magazines, scissors, and glue - make a collage.

The key is not to focus on the end product, but the process.

6. Meditation

Meditation need not be a complex, structured process that you learn from years of practice. You do not even need to buy a book.

Think of a place that you love or a craft that you could make. Focus on the details. Focus on how it feels, what it sounds like. Picture the details, the colors, the process. Focus all of your attention on the thought. You may even fall asleep.

Try doing this while taking slow deep breaths and listening to your favorite relaxing music.

7. Puzzles

Work a puzzle. Word, number, and logic puzzles can be great ways to refocus from the stress. By getting into a puzzle you get to exercise different parts of your brain. There will not be any room for stressful thoughts. Try SuDoku, a crossword puzzle, or a brainteaser.

Once the puzzle or puzzles are done, you may have a whole new perspective. It is important that you choose a puzzle that you enjoy and believe that you can complete.

8. Music

Listening to music is a powerful tool in coping. Music has the power to take the listener along any number of emotional paths.

Pick your music wisely. Chose music that allows you to feel in a safe way, but does not create additional stress. Listening to cheery love songs, for example, may not facilitate coping if you are feeling sad and alone.

Sometimes your music should be in the background; sometimes it should fill the room. Know what works for you, and allow yourself to do it.

9. Friends

Turning to friends during times of stress can be an invaluable coping tool. Friends can validate who you are and how you feel. They can provide a caring ear, ready and willing to listen and support you.

Be aware of who your friends are. Surround yourself with caring supportive people who are quick to jump to your defense and want to protect you from hurt - not people who tend to put you on the spot or make you feel defensive.

10. Pets

Animals can be wonderful calming beings in your life. It does not matter what the animal is as long as you care about them and enjoy them.

Take your dog out for a walk. Pet your cat and listen to the purr. Watch a fish smoothly glide through the water. Even snakes and rodents can have calm, soothing interactions with their owners.

If you don’t have a pet, borrow a friend’s. Go on a walk and watch the animals, pet the dogs you see (check to make they are safe to pet), or feed the birds.

St George

I went to St. George, Utah this week for the annual Utah Fall Substance Abuse Conference. The theme for this year was "Just Say Know!" (Side note: besides working with a lot of substance abuse issues at work, I am also working towards receiving my LSAC - Licensed Substance Abuse Counselor) It was great, I learned a TON of information, and have decided that I like visiting St. George for a vacation. St. George has grown so much since I was last there. I didn't even recognize it, or could find anything (which was sad, as somehow I was made the navigator in the car I was in). But they are building an outlet mall there, and have a Mongolian BBQ restaurant in the outlet mall. Of course, I convinced my colleagues that we needed to check out the Mongolian BBQ place before we left. I was not disappointed. It made me wish that they would open one up in Utah County.

With the conference theme of "Just Say Know!" they focused a lot on the importance of educating the community on what drugs are and what they do to you. Also educating others that if they are going to do drugs, how to do it responsibly. This was emphasized more with alcohol. They talked about how we are always telling kids to just say "no" that when they do decide to drink, or try drugs out of curiosity, they don't know how to do it responsibly, that is why there is a lot of binge drinking at college campuses. I liked the idea of teaching others what drugs are and what they can do to you in addition to telling them to say "no." For me, the more knowledge I have about something and what it can do to you, the less tempting it will become.

But a down side to the conference was hearing all the statistics with drugs and alcohol. I am now scared to be on the road with the high statistic of being injured by an impaired driver. You can even become impaired through energy drinks, as many add alcohol but don't state it well. There are more deaths to Americans through alcohol related incidents then there were deaths from the Polio epidemic or the current war going on.

Oh, one scary statistic is that 1 in 4 kids in high school have tried alcohol. Also 1 in 4 children have an alcoholic parent.

So on that happy note, here are some pictures of the motel I stayed at. It was weird for me, as I was given my own room. But I can't complained. I was able to do a lot of reading at night.




Here is the motel we stayed at. It was the Comfort Suites.







Her is the car we took to St. George. It was hospital car - Ford Focus. The drive was good, especially with only 3 people in the car, and I had the entire back seat to myself:)









Here is a picture of a view from my motel room to where we needed to travel to go to the conference. It was right by the Jack in the Box and Texaco sign.







This is a morning view from my motel room. The weather was absolutely beautiful! I was not ready to go back to Orem and today's weather of 53 degrees.

Stake Conference

As I sit here chewing my chocolate bubble gum (that really does taste like tootsie rolls - thanks Jen) I wanted to record some things I heard at Stake Conference this weekend. Stake Conference was AMAZING!!! I learned so much. Elder Henry B. Eyring, visited and spoke along with the Area Seventy, Brother Oskathorpe.

They had a Saturday evening session for the adults, then 2 Sunday sessions, since the stake is so large. I was able to attend all the sessions, as I volunteered to assist in ushering for the 2nd Sunday session. This was great as both Sunday sessions were completely different. Only a couple of talks were the same. In addition, I was at the right place, at the right time, and was able to shake Elder Eyring's hand after.

Elder Eyring on Saturday spoke on "feasting upon the word of God." He said if you want to review his talk later just read 2 Nephi 31:19-21, 32:1-9. I love how they just read and use the scriptures like that. But he talked about how to pray and provided steps for it:

1. Decide before you pray. He talked how Joseph Smith already had made a decision before he prayed what he was going to do. He was going to join a church. We need to committed to act on our decision. He talked about how we need to be prepared to be asked to do some difficult things from Heavenly Father when we do this. He will have us go beyond the limits we were originally contemplating.

2. Pray like a child. Be willing to submit as a child submits. We need to always have a sense of who Heavenly Father is and who we are when we pray.

3. Have a repentant heart. He talked about how whatever we've done, we could always do more. We need to remember also that "whomever the Lord loveth, he chastenth." He shared a story of how another apostle complimented Pres. Hinckley on the BYU devotional he gave last week. Pres. Hinckley stated that the he didn't do that great of a job. "I know a good talk, and that wasn't one of them. I could've done better."

4. Be optimistic. You NEED hope. He quoted Pres Hinckley "Well it's all going to work out. We know we are going to win." He also talked about how Pres. Hinckley is one of the most optimistic people he knows, yet he is the one that truly knows all the troubles that are occurring in the world.

5. We need the gift of charity in our life. Heavenly Father NEEDS to know that you love him. You cannot serve those whom you do not love. He also talked about how the Lord does EVERYTHING out of love for us. All our problems and trials are and were for our good. We need to obtain a feeling of appreciation. Also don't be a Jonah, we need to do what the Lord tells us to immediately, and not wait for a whale to come and really help us to do his work.

On Sunday, Elder Eyring first rebuked everyone (in his good humored way), during the first session, for not paying as much attention to their spiritual memories. We need to always remember them, and pray for even sweeter memories for the future. We need to remember our baptism day and the feelings we felt there. We need to work towards have a better Sacrament experience. He went through the Sacrament prayer and compared it with our baptism.

In the 2nd session, Elder Eyring piggy backed his talked with the Area Seventy's talk. He talked about the formula for success. He just returned from serving as mission president in South Dakota and talked about the struggle he had with ways to counsel missionaries when they lost their desire for the work. He found the answer in Alma 26:27. The formula was:

1. Desire - what we think are our desires.

2. Decision - need to decide to do something.

3. Determination - we need to stay with our plan, and NEVER give up!

He talked about the success his mission experienced after they applied this principle more in their work.

Elder Eyring talked about how their needs to be another "D" in there, but he doesn't know what word it would be. He talked about the background on the scripture used and how we need to make the choice that we will "pay any price for this desire." We need to put our heart, might, mind and strength into this.

Ok, so now I've shared just a brief part of what I was privileged to hear today. I was so excited I wanted to share it with someone. Some statistics I heard today regarding my stake was that we have 4 couples serving as Mission Presidents right now and about 80 missionaries. That seems like quite a lot to me. I guess that's typical for Utah though.

On a side note: the chocolate bubble gum's flavor does not last that long.

"and took him to his home..."

I just finished reading in the Book of Mormon, Alma chapter 15. This chapter has helped me at understand how to deal with issues that I am going through at this time in my life. I have been given the honor to learn to handle and deal with the chronic health problem of Crohn's disease. It's a digestive disease, that could affect the digestive system anywhere from the mouth ALL the way down. With the changing of the seasons, this generally is when my Crohn's begins to act up as well. One of the things that has been difficult with this chronic condition is taking care of myself. I believe that everyone else should take care of themselves, but for some reason I shouldn't. I have learned (and continue to learn on a regular basis) the importance of taking care of oneself, or else it will take longer to heal when you are forced to take care of yourself. I learned this quite well when I needed to return home from my mission early due to not taking care of myself. But this week has been hard, as I have been placing horrible GUILT on myself for going home from work, and disappointing the patients whom I work with, as they look forward to me working with them. The guilt was becoming so bad when I was really not feeling well, that at one point I felt like I was disappointing the entire hospital due to my meager health problems that I weak and a failure for pushing through the pain.

I eventually began to listen to my body, and realized that it was not going to get better on it's own, unless I take care of it, and get some extra rest. Alma chapter 15, for me is an answer to questions I have been asking in my prayers. I appreciate how Alma talks about all the struggles and successes that him and Amulek had in their service. Then in Alma 15:18 it reads

"...Alma having seen all these things, therefore he took Amulek and came over to the land of Zarahemla, and took him to his own house, and did administer unto him in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord."

This scripture teaches me that it is not a sign of weakness to take care of yourself, but actually a strength. It is something that an amazing prophet saw was necessary to do. I can see that I need to grant myself "permission" more to take care of myself and not to allow the evil guilt talk take that necessity away.

Oh, the picture posted is of my parent's Christmas tree. This is a part of "home" for me. I love the uniqueness of the tree with the different ornaments and bizarre gingerbread cookies all over:)

The signs of Autumn

You can see the signs of Autumn coming as the weather begins to get cooler, and the leaves changing colors. But one of the biggest signs is that winter squash is beginning to go on sale! I started to notice it more this week. Which was perfect timing as I was craving mashed potatoes, but since I can't eat potatoes, this curbs the craving (plus it has more flavor in my opinion). Due to the inability to eat dairy, cream sauces, sugar or grains and starches, squash has turned into one of my comfort foods as well. It was all I wanted to eat for several days after my surgery last December. My mom was kind enough to make several batches of Butternut Squash soup for me.

I think if I was allowed, I could eat squash for every meal. There are several different kinds of squash, with different flavors for each one. This is a picture of acorn squash. This is great if it is cut in half, and sprinkled with cinnamon, nutmeg, and a little honey (I'm not a huge butter fan, but some add butter and sugar instead of honey). Then cooked till it is tender in the microwave or oven.

Spaghetti squash is another squash that is fun to cook with and eat. It can be used similar to cooking with pasta. It can be steamed in the microwave or oven, then with a spoon as it is scooped out of it's shell it begins to look like pasta. Adding tomato sauce creates a wonderful spaghetti dish as well.

One of my favorites is butternut squash. Although I really don't like to cut it up. It's in an odd shape, and contains a really hard shell. Perhaps if I was to get really good knives, it may not be as difficult. But I have been able to make fabulous soups and cookies using this squash. I'm posting two of my favorite squash recipes, squash cookies, and butternut squash soup. Enjoy!

Squash Cookies

3 cups nut flour
1 cup mashed, cooked, drained pumpkin or fresh or frozen winter squash such as butternut or acorn. So not use canned pumpkin. Summer squash such as zucchini is too watery for this recipe.

1/2-cup butter
1 egg
¾ cup honey
1 teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup raisins (plumped)

Mix dry ingredients and raisins. Set aside
Mix egg, butter, honey and vanilla in blender.
Add pumpkin or squash to egg mixture and blend thoroughly.
Add wet ingredients to the dry mixture.
Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls 2 inches apart on lightly greased cookie sheet.
Bake 15 minutes at 375° F. Until lightly browned.
Transfer to wire rack to cool.
Makes about 4 dozen cookies

Notes from experience:
1 cup cooked acorn = apx. 1 med. Acorn
Let dough chill for at least 10 minutes before putting on cookie sheet.
Check after 10 minutes of baking.
I generally will half the amount of butter and honey asked for in the recipe.
Raisins are REALLY good (not the best if excluded from cookie)

BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP

Ingredients
2 lbs. butternut squash, about 20 ounces trimmed and seeded
2 cups vegetable broth
1-1/2 cups water
1 stick cinnamon
3/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons butter
2 medium onions, sliced
3 large Anjou or Bartlett pears
pepper to taste

Instructions
1. Peel, seed and dice the squash.
2. Put it in a pot with the vegetable broth, water, cinnamon stick, and salt, and simmer until tender, about 40 minutes.
3. Discard the cinnamon stick. Melt the butter and gently cook the onions in it, stirring occasionally until it begins to caramelize.
4. Peel, core and thinly slice the pears and add them to the onions. Continue cooking for about 5 minutes, stirring often.
5. Simmer for 10 minutes.
6. Add the pear mixture to the soup and purée everything in a blender in batches.
7. Add some yogurt cheese if desired to make it creamier. - (I have never done this)
8. Heat the soup again just to a simmer, but do not boil.

Steeple Races

Saturday I went and played my harp at a funeral for someone who passed away unexpectedly at work. It was more a Memorial service, and a celebration of their life. The Chaplain at the hospital conducted and gave a thought that I had never thought about before. He talked about the different races people compete in. You have your typical race where you compete by just running (sorry I don't know what it is called... the running race), then you have your hurdle race, where you are expected to run and jump hurdles throughout. The last (and most difficult) is the steeple race where you have many difficult obstacles throughout the run (jumping over hurdles and water). He talked about the difficult life that the deceased had to go through and how they had finally completed their steeple race. He talked about how we all have a steeple race to run, and that we should never give up, but to encourage and help each other along.

It was very humbling to listen to how this one person who had to go through so much, and who may have never thought their life was worth anything, had such an impact with so many people in such a positive way. It made me realize that even on your worst day, no matter where you are, you can still serve others and have the power to influence and help others.

Yes! I've joined the Blogging World...

I realize that I am the only one in the "black family" who has not joined the blogging world. Although at times this looked a bit scary and with some commitment, I decided to take the risk and try it out. It may be good for others to share in some of the adventures that I encounter in my life:)